Struggles

We all face our own struggles on a daily basis. Sometimes it’s as simple as hitting the snooze on our alarm clocks ever five minutes but feels like every thirty seconds.
But for some it may be wondering if they are going to make it through another day. With the constant stuggle of keeping a roof over your head, food in your belly, and/or a bill that is past due.
Everyday people are struggling as strangers, neighbors, and family just pass by. Alot of people feel like they are drowning and no one cares. But I doubt they stop and think maybe that person has a dilemma all their own.
When I was a kid my parents had split up. I was about five or six years old. From that point on my life would be like standing on a track with a freight train headed straight at me, not knowing if it would be diverted or not. Every single breath I would take would be full of worry.
I started noticing behavior in people and the true selfishness in others at this age. Some months maybe even a year after I remember feeling empathy and anger, covered in humbleness. These emotions do not make a magic potion mixed together.
We had no where to go! My dad had knocked on doors that got slammed in his face. There is more to this story…Just not now.
We were telling my dad we were hungry. Sitting outside a 7-11 on the grass, taking a break deciding where to go next? My dad reached into his pocket and counted his change with held back tears in his eyes. He walked into the store and came back out with a small bag of Funyuns and small slurpee for us four kids to share. Right then I seen my dad, he looked two inches tall.
He saw me looking and gave me a small smile. But behind that smile I could see so much. He was terrifed, saddened, remorseful, hurt, he was broken!
I was still trying to make sense of everything that had happened. How did we end up here. Why was my dad not okay. And then a HONK!
An old friend of my dad’s was there loading us in a car and my dad was thanking her. He was promising us we would be back with him in a week. And his eyes had HOPE!

Natural Beauty

I rather love walking outside during the change of seasons. In the spring you see the little buds just appearing on trees. Then one day, overnight you look and BAM nothing but leaves cover the tree.

It absolutely amazing and beautiful because it’s nature. I wish I could slow it down frame by frame to witness it happening. Has anyone every witnesses leaves spread across a tree?

Natural beauty is the same. It’s not how you look without your makeup, or no gel in your hair. Natural beauty is in your energy, your heart, your soul.

Everday we are greeted with opportunities to show off our “Natural” beauty. I am curious how many people realize what the are actually showing. Sometimes I walk in a store and people are giving off mean looks. It’s truly funny to me because they don’t realize it. It is their natural way.

You can walk past a stranger and immediately feel judged, criticized, frustration, angry, sadness, loneliness, rushed, happiness, gleeful, humor, excitement, ect. But what you take home with you can change your natural beauty. Whether you encountered someone rude or joyful, you bring it home with you.

When the season of fall starts to set in, I love to witness the change of colors in the trees. This process takes more time and can be absolutely breath taking. As nature takes hold of one tree the rest seem to just follow in its place.

Before you know it the leaves are not golden but not green either. They are all the colors of sunset and sunrise at the same time. Slowly, as the nights become colder and the wind begins to stir, leaves begin to fall one right after another. Feeling the air full of a natural Autumn perfume. A fragrance as delicious as the crisp perfume following a thunderstorm.

As humans it’s difficult to admit we let people get to us. Whether it’s a family member, coworker, boss, or stranger. We all like to believe we are in control of our emotions.

Even if we don’t say it out loud, even if we are just thinking it, we are not all impenetrable of other’s actions or words. We can all go from happy to sad in the snap of the fingers. Or if you are a think’er, you can let one occurrence taunt at you and consume you little by little.

Winter is not my favorite season it’s cold, it’s unpredictable. The trees are sleeping and bare, some will never wake again, this is natural as well. But as the season closes in for some reason it gives you more time.

The days are evidently shorter and nights are longer. You stare up at the sky anticipating snow. You wonder if it will be enough to at least cover the ground.

Sometimes it hits so fast you’re not prepared. The inches start gathering and a hypnotic white blanket covers the ground. It’s cleansing to our planet and our hearts. Mesmerizing the beauty of nature.

You know I skipped summer not because it has no importance, actually summer has equal natural aspects to spring, fall, and winter. You seek shade under a tree to keep cool in the heat. You welcome the breeze that flows across your body.

But did you hear the leaves die to provide you that second of comfort? Did you feel the leaves die as you took shelter under their branches?

Did you know everyone has Natural beauty? It just honestly takes the person to show it and a stranger to accept it. Without judgement just acceptance. If you don’t acknowledge it, if you turn your back to it. Nature can take it away it’s simply Natural.

Understanding Insomnia?

I swear since I was a kid sleep has never came easy. I was always a worry wart my dad would say. But late nights have given me the opportunity to work out the jumbled thoughts in my own head.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always wanted to tell not my story but a story of how I seen things differently. Everything makes sense when you write it down. Even when your trying to say something on paper,and you can’t find the right words, you know it’s a thought you haven’t finished processing quite yet.

So0000! I have insomnia, lots of late nights wishing I could just sleep. But my mind is roaring!

I lost my dad a little over four years ago. This does not define me but is the cause of tonight’s lack of sleep. He raised me to be who I am and used to be.

Boy did my dad make some really shit decisions when he was raising us kids. But for better or worse he did all he could and more.

That is how my blog needs to start. Everything goes back to my dad. Every decision good or bad. Every mistake! My every single day has some reflection or inbeded memory.